40 the new 90

Before I got into Advertising people constantly told me how unstable the business was. Where was the job security? They would ask. I would inevitably come back with a cocky ‘fuck job security’. Job security went out the window years ago. Corporate America rewards a lifetime of devotion and work from one of it’s own with a kick in the but and forced retirement. At fucking Grey advertising they’ve got a policy called HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS whereby they fire people right before Christmas to balance their books. They’d come home the night before Xmas like George Bailey in its A Wonderful Life just as he’s jumping off the town bridge. Except there wasn’t any angel to redirect him and save him. Perhaps unemployment and a lower paying job at a shittier agency.

Now the Japs, they’ve got it down. You work for the same company for 30 years and they take care of you the rest of your life. There is a gold watch in that country. Christ you really are part of a team. Probably cause if you come into work late you feel like you’ve let the whole country down.
But this isn’t Japan. And what security was I going to have telling dick jokes at 3 in the morning? So I jumped into the fray.
But soon enough I saw what happens to the old horses that have their run and somehow don’t make the Preakness so to speak.

Unlike becoming a lawyer, doctor, engineer, professor, plumber, electrician, even cop, in Advertising, one’s age becomes a liability. By 45 if you haven’t become a C.E.O., started your own agency, or been part of some stock buy out, you are plain and simple fucked. Rather than see your experience, understanding markets, dealing with clients and fine-tuning your conceptual thinking. You are an embarrassment. God help you if your hair turns grey. Party’s over then.
Plus add to that the hours and travel. And just plain energy. At 40 you simply can’t compete with some 24 year old with no responsibilities, a 5 o’clock shadow, 3 roommates and a desire to win the awards you already did 10 times already. Plus they’re hipper to what is the new thing in the media. Because advertising is a mirror of popular culture, whatever it descends into.
If you don’t know who won American Idol, or who want’s to be a trillionaire you better step out of the way. I’d see the older guys with the frightened look of the older wildebeest that is starting to slow down as the herd runs from the cheetah.
It’s kind of like being a professional athlete only you have a longer lifespan, or at least one would hope so. You have your great years. With all the accolades and press. Then the middle management years where you get to swagger around the office and fuck with junior’s heads. Maybe boink a few secretaries occasionally. And then like the basketball player who’s been injured once too many, a limp sets in. and you simply can’t run faster and jump higher in your brand new Keds anymore.

And to a person, nobody ever saves enough money up. At least no one that I know. Oh sure they plan on it. But after a week of insane hours or abusive clients, C.E.O.’s or bosses you’ve just got to treat yourself to that new something. Sure you fight with the wife about it. But goddamnit you’re the one busting your balls on the avenue all week. Don’t they get it?

A mid life crisis in Advertising is when you start working for someone you taught at the school of visual arts, 14 years ago. It’s when some new swinging dick has become chief creative officer and wants to start hiring his friends.

One good thing about where I work is that they never fired people. They treat them like shit and when they become too old they simply move them to the back of the agency and put them on accounts like Tampons. Christ once I got lost and went in the wrong direction in the creative department and it was like a walk through the ‘whatever happened to?’ exhibit at Universal Studios. The Advertising equivalent of the Jan Michael Vincent, Anthony Michael Hall, Tony Danza, and Joni Loves Chachi exhibit.
Some of these old creative just sat and stared out their window that is if they had them. Others sat there with shaking hands trying to keep the type on a print ad straight.

Clients knew it too. At one meeting I went to one of the clients piped up
‘What are you bringing this old war horse up here for?’ The old warhorse was a very, very famous copywriter. Needless to say, his stock went way down at the agency and when firing time came near guess that got it.

Another phenomenon I’ve never gotten was this. An agency would lose an account. Because of less revenue it would fire a shit load of people. Then it would get a new account and it would have to staff up again. But never did I ever hear about the people who got fired asked back again. Even if they had done a great job.

Well I’m still working. But when I turn 40? I’m gonna be a hit man.